How to Win Friends and Influence People, an essential read for us all
I’ve had Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People on my reading list for years. Finally, I decided to sit down one weekend and give this book a read. Though a bit antiquated at times, this book is an absolute masterpiece and a must-read for anyone (not just those in the business world). There aren’t many people, alive or dead, who match Dale Carnegie as a business magnate and leader of people. Below, I outline the essential lessons from How to Win Friends and Influence People:
On how to handle people:
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain- The best leaders provide constructive feedback without coming down on those working under them. Complaining does not inspire and only serves to drive others away. Leaders are charismatic and positive-thinkers.
Give honest and sincere appreciation- This is not done enough. People appreciate feeling appreciated.
Around in other people an eager want- The best leaders inspire those around them to attain success in their own lives.
On how to make people like you:
Become genuinely interested in other people- It’s easy to fake an interest in someone else. The true leader remembers things about others, asks poignant questions, and is sincerely interested in getting to know those around him or her. The late William Powers (former President of the University of Texas at Austin, my alma mater) really exemplified this. He was so good at making you feel like the most important person in the room, no matter who you were. It was likely his ability with people that helped him rise to become the president of a major university.
Smile- It takes more muscles to frown, so why not smile? It’s easier and smiles are infectious.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language- People love being called by their names. Remembering someone’s name is important.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves- Similar to the way people love their own names, they also like to talk about themselves. Asking questions, showing an interest, and encouraging people to open up will pay dividends in your life and ability to connect with others.
Talk in terms of other person’s interests- It’s fun talking about your passions rather than engaging in small talk.
Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely- See above where I discussed President Powers. Those with the ability to make others feel important have a competitive advantage in this world (without that being their underlying motivation).
On how to win people with your way of thinking:
In this section Carnegie outlines various ways to inspire others. Below are the points that really spoke to me:
Show respect for other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”- Most of the time neither party in an argument is 100% right or 100% wrong. Approaching a disagreement with respect for your counterpart is prudent.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically- Humility is an attractive quality in a leader.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view- See point #1 in this section. Giving someone else the respect of considering their side will help you better understand their perspective.
On how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment:
The following reflections from Carnegie are noteworthy:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation- Always best to provide some positive reinforcement before hitting someone with constructive criticism.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly- No one like being directly called out. Approaching something in a kind or more indirect manner helps soften the blow.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement- This is positive reinforcement in action.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to- An individual will feel motivated to maintain the strong reputation that you have reinforced in them.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read and worth the time. I recently got a library card and downloaded Libby, so I was able to get the book for free. As I continue in my career as a physician, I will make it my goal to incorporate these lessons from How to Win Friends and Influence People into my interactions with others.
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